Posted: May 21, 2012 8:32 PM EST | Updated: Nov 6, 2014 12:30 AM EST
Okay, I have so many questions surrounding this incident and my mind is a-flutter with them so just bear with me as I jump all over the place. First I’ll outline what happened and then get on with my questions.
Apparently, a young girl working on the Roast Beef Cut-O-Tron 3000 at a Michigan Arby’s sliced her finger off and it fell into the Cut-O-Tron’s meat receptacle. The girl ran back to the first aid kit and her co-workers, being the mindless, soul-sucked, fast food employees that they were ignored the screaming and went right back to packing meat…from the same meat receptacle…into sandwiches and sent said sandwiches out the door.
Now, an unfortunate young man bit into his freshly purchased Arby’s sammie and guess what he found…that’s right! A bloody finger!!! I’ll give you a moment to let your brain go EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The victim said he thought, “That feels like a finger…omg, it’s a finger.” I’m sure like everyone else he is a huge fan of…finger food…(rim shot) but this is ridiculous. News spread about this incident and the Arby’s corp (being the ever-caring corporate scumbags that they are) issued this statement:
John Gray, Arby's vice president of corporate communications, provided Yahoo! Shine with a statement saying, "Arby’s wants to reassure customers that we are committed to providing quality food in a safe and healthy environment. We are deeply concerned and apologetic to the guest involved in this unfortunate incident....An isolated and unfortunate accident occurred in a franchisee’s Jackson, Michigan restaurant in which an employee was injured. Upon learning of the incident, the franchisee’s restaurant team shut down food production and thoroughly cleaned and sanitized the restaurant. The franchisee fully cooperated with the Health Department during the investigation, and the restaurant was given the approval to remain open."
Okay… did anyone else notice that in that short lip-service of a paragraph that he used the word ‘franchisee’ three times?
Translation: DO NOT EVEN THINK OF SUING THE CORPORATION, SUE THE SMALL BUSINESS OWNER WHO ASSUMES ALL RESPONSIBILITY AND HAS NO REAL FINANCIAL OR LEGAL CONNECTION TO US EXCEPT TO USE OUR NAME, BRANDING, RECIPIES, PRODUCTS, INGREDIENTS…I REPEAT NO CONNECTION AT ALL.
Here are my questions:
- Why didn’t the finger trap catch her finger? Aren’t all meat slicers equipped with digit gathering devices?
- When she ran back to the first aid kit, do you think her jerk of a manager yelled after her, “This counts as your 10!”
- Do you think they charged the family $0.50 extra because the finger was considered a “side item”?
- Do we now know the “secret ingredient”?
- Did the kid pull it out and say, “Isn’t this supposed to come with the kids meal…can I trade this in for a thumb? I already have a pinky and a thumb would totally complete my set.”
ICK!!! All I know is that it is going to be a long time before I eat at Arby’s again. Plus, I really think it’s going to be hard for them to push their whole, “It’s good mood food” slogan on people. They should change their slogan to "It's finger-lickin' good". I think that's taken, though.